2617 Coors Blvd SW
Albuquerque, NM 87121
Frequently Asked Questions
Please read our FAQ before sending us a message.
We use Stripe to process credit cards and accept all major types.
Once the order is received, our shipping department assembles the kits and order, and selects the most expedient service–either FedEx or UPS.
How long it takes is based on a number of factors outside of our control. We think the shipping companies use chicken entrails and rat knuckle bones to come up with their delivery dates and the routes they use to get the packages to you.
In most cases it gets to you in a few days. Fortunately we use software that should send you the tracking information via email. This email is sent once the shipper takes possession of the package and enters it into their system.
We take data privacy and security seriously. Your data is protected using industry standard methods and services. We routinely update our software as new exploits are located.
Our team of monkeys are released from their cages and make their way to the warehouse to begin assembling your order. (We use monkeys because they are much better at climbing to the highest shelves and still come to work even when they can make more money with OnlyFans.)
Kits are compiled and individually inspected to make sure they have the correct components before being shipped out. In the rare case that something is unavailable we will substitute with something of equal quality.
After the order is assembled, it is “hand” carried by hamsters through a series of plastic tubes until it reaches the shipping department. It can be sometimes delayed by a few minutes if the hamster stops off to do a few minutes on the exercise wheel.
Once in shipping, the order is unceremoniously shoved into a box, bag, or sheep’s stomach, liberally taped, labelled with your address, and hucked into a bin where presumably a shipping company takes possession and brings it directly to you. We’ve never seen them take the package directly, but the bin is regularly emptied and we do not receive customer complaints about non-delivery, so it must be working.
After delivery, we assume that the kit is put in a place of honor on your mantle and revered until such time as an injury occurs and is then used to make the boo-boos go away.
Yep. Just like any modern webstore in the past two decades, you should get an email with the invoice to whatever email address you entered during checkout.
If you don’t get an email, check your spam, or login to your account and review.
Send us an email